Goldy Savosina’s Playlist for a Perfect Night Out

an annotated bibliography by Livvy Winkelman

Besse, Super. “Holod.” Track 1 on 63610*. I Love You Records, 2015, mp3 download.

         Goldy Savosina, freshly nineteen, has a hard time telling her lefts from her rights. She always tries to do her left eye makeup first, because it always ends up looking better anyway. There’s something magic about the left. But she keeps accidentally starting with her right. By the time she gets done, her eyes look lopsided. It’s like her face is sliding to the right. She meets Xena at the bus stop two bus stops away from her house. Xena’s in charge of their fake IDs and club entry – her cousin Dimitri works the door on weeknights.

Cain, Ethel. “Knuckle Velvet.” Track 5 on Golden Age. Homie Shit Magazine, 2019, download.

         Mikhail is there when they get to the club. He’s leaning against a wall, talking to two of Xena’s ex-boyfriends. He’s always leaning. Goldy weaves her way around people, knocking a skinny redheaded boy into a table and accidentally stepping on the heel of a tall Black woman with beautiful hands. She finally escapes the throng and makes it to the bathroom. The space is loud, and the throngs of people remind Goldy of a tub of bait worms. She watches as Xena glides across the sticky black floor and lands soundlessly in front of Mikhail and his posse of her exes. Mikhail’s eyes search around Xena, Goldy can see the blue of them in the dark. His smile slides to the right when he finds her.

Charli XCX and Caroline Polachek. “Tears.” Track 4 on Pop 2. Asylum Records UK, a division of Atlantic Records UK, a Warner Music Group Company, 2017, download.

         Goldy leaves the bathroom after patting her armpits dry with single-ply toilet paper. She inches against the wall, searching for the sound of Xena’s voice among the layers of voices and music. Xena is backlit by swirling lights, her blonde hair haloing her face. Goldy reaches the edge of Xena’s congregation, standing just behind Mikhail. The fingers of his free hand dance, reaching back towards her. Goldy reaches up to tie her pinky together with Mikhail’s. Xena’s eyes begin to dance across Goldy’s face. Xena leans in close to Mikhail, moving in towards his neck, and tells him that her real name is Kseniya. Goldy gave her the nickname when they were in kindergarten.

Frou, Frou. “Flicks.” Track 10 on Details. Universal Island Records Ltd. A Universal Music Company, 2002, cassette tape.

         Goldy has to keep her hand firmly against the stall door while she pees. She sits there for a few minutes, pushing, waiting for her full bladder to empty. She smells like sweat and Walgreens and Xena’s ridiculous raspberry-scented body glitter and her left pinky tastes like Mikhail as she wedges it under her tongue to feel the cold sore there. She wiggles her tongue against the roof of her mouth to tickle herself. Finally, she pees. Goldy doesn’t drink, and in this way, she’s bad at being Russian. Instead, she’s spent half the night sharing joints with Mikhail and her bladder is punishing her in kind. Goldy washes her hands and flails them around helplessly because there are no paper towels left. She can still feel Mikhail’s pinky wrapped around her own, and the feeling in her stomach returned when Xena stepped in close to Mikhail. Goldy taught her to get close like that, so the other person can smell your perfume. She doesn’t know what to do with her hands now. Mikhail turns towards Goldy once she exits the bathroom. He’d been waiting for her, making sure no one followed her in. Goldy grips her hands against her thighs and goes up on her tippy-toes, watches as Mikhail tips his head down, his mouth still tilting right, and presses his lips to hers. She remembers when she and Xena used to play dress up as kids. Xena was always the bride, Goldy the groom. On the dancefloor, Xena’s exes begin throwing punches.

Morisette, Alanis. “Orchid.” Track 12 on Flavors of Entanglement (Deluxe). Maverick Recording Company, manufactured and distributed by Warner Records Inc., A Warner Music Group Company, 2008, cassette tape.

         Mikhail and Goldy can hear Xena’s exes fighting. They can hear Xena shrieking. Goldy leans steadily against the wall and Mikhail puts his hand on her left hip. He pulls his lips from hers and speaks to her in a language only they can understand. Xena never learned Russian. Goldy laughs with her stomach, honking like a goose into his chest. Mikhail hunches to smell her hair. She smells like sleep. He massages into the tight, knotted muscle above her left hip with strong fingers. Nausea rolls through Goldy’s body like a snake across sand. She peeks underneath Mikhail’s arm to watch Dimitri rip the two guys apart. The skinny redhead she bulldozed earlier in the night screams, at the top of his lungs, “Skol Vikings.” His voice breaks. Xena has tear streaks cutting dully through her foundation, and her brown eyes meet Goldy’s as if through smoke.

Polachek, Caroline. “Smoke.” Track 11 in Desire, I Want To Turn Into You. Perpetual Novice, 2023, youtube-to-mp3.

         Dimitri walks Goldy and Xena home and leaves once the front door clicks closed. They find Goldy’s mom asleep on the couch. The entire house smells like a liquor store and boiling cabbage. Goldy winds her way through the cluttered living room in the dark and turns off the steaming pot in the kitchen. Xena follows. They raid the fridge for leftover pelmeni and wrap themselves up in thin bedsheets found in a plastic container under Goldy’s bed. Xena tucks herself into the corner between Goldy’s bed and the wall, furiously scrubbing at her face with dried-out makeup wipes. Goldy props open her big window and lights a smoke, the cigarette dangling from the right corner of her mouth like a Roman candle.